either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize