eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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