also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
