Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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