3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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