p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
