at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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