I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Vodka?
Forever.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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