Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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