I faked an abortion last night.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
