I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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