i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
