I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
