The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I enjoy the company of your penis
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
