I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
