Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
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