I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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