i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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