And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
