I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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