Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
