I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
