I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
