he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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