im drinking this country out of the recession.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
