im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
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I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
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He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
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