Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
