My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I wish life had little blips of pornography
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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