Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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