But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
