Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
