Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
