Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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