What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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