I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
