Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
