apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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