when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
