I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
