If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
