I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
