Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
