I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
