I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize