OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
