So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
