I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
