areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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