Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
