My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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