I must be too annoying 4 u.
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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