i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
