remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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