Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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