Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Randomize
