Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
