JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize