Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I think my moral compass just broke
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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