i just sent this text using only my big toe
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
