their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
