I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
