capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
