the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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