I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
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Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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