dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
