he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just gift wrapped bread.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Never joke about your clitoris.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
