i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
